My dog turned five today and, as with any milestone, she spent a moment taking stock of her life so far. The following is her assessment, (as dictated by Bardot on June 3, 2015).
“This morning I reflected on my accomplishments, which are varied and many, and on the very few things that I should maybe have thought through a little better. I decided that my time was best spent focusing on the positives:
- People: I think that I have effectively fooled them into believing that I can only understand the same few words spoken loudly or in a foolish tone of voice. Ridiculous. But it does lull them into a false sense of confidence that what they say around me doesn’t matter. I’m writing a book.
- Home: Needless to say, I have thoroughly and successfully found the best places to nap, scratch, sun, eat and hide stuff they don’t want me to have. That was Day 1. What they don’t realize is that I have also mastered the fine art of ignoring “No”. If I am somewhere I shouldn’t be I just strike a cute pose and I am exonerated. Big eyes and floppy ears help.
- Food: I chose to go against type here and be the Lab who is not totally food motivated. Hehe. This, in fact, elicits them giving me MORE food and significantly ups the quality. “You’ve got to eat, Bardot.” : (
- Performance: Having a “special talent” gets you all kinds of free things. I urge you to cultivate one doing something that you already love doing. Me? I dive down to the bottom of pools and retrieve toys. And let people photograph me doing so. Check out photographer Seth Casteel’s web site for evidence.
- The Head Cock: This my friends is the key to the Kingdom. Perform this when people are talking to you and you will be richly rewarded. Make sure to mix up the head positions to show intent concentration on your face.
In sum, I’d say that I have this happy life thing down pat. Which is not to say that I am now going to sit back now and rest on my laurels, heck no. I want my own TV, mini fridge and the keys to the car every Saturday morning.
What’d you think I’d say, that I want a bone? C’mon, that is so bourgeois.”