You’ve got to give Los Angelenos an “A” for effort when it comes to decorating for Christmas. In their quaint, showy way, they’ll hang some lights and a Trader Joe’s wreath on just about anything; the Palm tree, a diving board, the grille of their SUV, their gazebo, the family dog, and their Alma Louis Vuitton bag.

The Holiday music from artists like Grumpy Cat and .38 Special do a lot to bring the true meaning of Christmas to the kids, but who is educating them on the true meaning of Christmas Decorations???

I am here to serve.

1. When Mommy spreads out that white, Egyptian cotton 800 thread count sheet on the front lawn, it is meant to represent the snowy bed of a bucolic forest. Don’t worry about her “breaking up a set”.

2. And when Dad sets up the mechanical reindeer atop the sheet, they are not bobbing their heads to “All About That Bass”, they are furrowing for imaginary acorns and berries. It is called “setting the scene”.

3. If yours is a house with a very Disney Christmas, then you may be wondering why Mickey is trapped in that giant inflatable globe with the white particles floating around. It is not the aftermath of a divorce party bonfire, but meant to connote a snowy, holiday tableau.

4. Do your parents set up a Nativity Scene? That is not due to the continuing problem with immigration, read your bible.

5. The hanging of the stockings over the fireplace? That is not a go with for UGGS, it is St. Nick’s first stop from his drop down the chimney. Worried about what will fit in them? Think jewelry and gift cards.

6. Wrapped presents under the tree. You’ll see this at the Mall, there is nothing in them. However the Christmas themed shopping bags around your tree at home will be filled with goodies. Make sure the receipt is included.

As for why we cut down a tree and drag it inside, and take lights outside to hang on the trees that dodged a bullet? I got nothing.


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